Arthas ’08 – Change You’ll Succumb To

Hey there, it’s been awhile since I’ve made a post here. I’ve recently been reading about the upcoming expansion for World of Warcraft, Wrath of the Lich King, and Diablo III. Outside of gaming, it’s also been a nail-biting time as we watch who’s going to be elected as our next President of the United States of America. With that in mind, here’s a perfect post on that theme with a Warcraft feel. This post was made by Azban of the Argent Dawn server.

As I’ve traveled across Azeroth I’ve looked around and seen that people are scared. I’ve shaken hands with people who have said to me “Holy %&*! My hand!” But I want them to know that they don’t have to be scared anymore. In fact, when I am President, It will be one of my highest priorities that each and every Azerothian is granted full immunity to fear. But some say that is not enough. So let me tell you where I stand on the issues.

The Economy:

Times are tough. The price of netherweave is down. The cost of repairs is up. Joe the Shaman is concerned about whether or not he will have a spot in 25 person raids. But if you look at your fellow Azerothians, you’ll see that the solution is all around you. It’s a fact that Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms together have over 87% of the world’s supply of souls. It is time to harness that supply. I do not want to use a scalpel or a hatchet, but a runesword. I believe in the trickle-down theory. When my blade slices through each of your bellies and your innards trickle down onto the icy battlefield, your soul – that has gone untapped for so many years – will finally be absorbed and utilized. Drain, Baby, Drain.

Healthcare

I know one of the biggest issues each of you face is healthcare. The average Azerothian spends more time looking at his/her healthbar than any other stat. Over the last four years, my opponent Illidan has watched as healing was completely stripped away from items. The liberal media will tell you that spell power does the exact same thing, but these are the same people that told you Arenas were fun.

The solution is one that has worked for The Scourge for years. The answer is not in reform but in reanimation. Ask any of my supporters and they will tell you they have no concern for their health. And those concerned with the time it takes to run back to their corpses will be happy to know that I will make the world one mass graveyard.

Global Warming

Ahahahaha. Ehem. I have that one covered.

Foreign Policy

My opponent likes to criticize my recent invasion of Azeroth, saying that I employed the same exact tactics of floating necropolises and shock troops that had failed over two years ago. What Illidan fails to tell you is that each mob has had its level raised to 70 and were reinforced by a Zombie Plague. My opponent still refuses to admit that the Zombie Plague has worked!

My Opponent: What do we really know about Illidan Stormrage?

Illidan claims to be against demons and the Burning Legion but he is in fact himself half-demon. And this information comes from wowwiki, a news source not known to ever defend me.

He says he is qualified to be your overlord, but when was the last time he even left Outland to visit Azeroth? The only office he has held as “Lord of Outland” was a self-proclaimed title. I, on the other hand, have been a Prince AND a King.

Illidan wears a blindfold. Is this someone you want to trust? I don’t mask my eyes, and they are a beautiful baby blue.

And finally, Illidan wants you to forget that He and I have faced on the battlefield before and I defeated him. I defeated him then and I will defeat him in this election.

My Running Mate

There have been some pretty nasty rumors about my running mate. The fact is he simply has an unfortunate name. I assure you, Kel’Thuzad is not a muslim, nor is he a terrorist.
He was a member of the high council of Kirin Tor and a citizen of Dalaran. When blood still flowed in his veins it was the same blood that, for the time being, still flows through all of yours.

Conclusion:

Illidan wants you to believe that “You are not prepared.” That’s a quote. You can check it. I believe that you are prepared, and together we can have a stronger, colder Azeroth.

I am Arthas and WE APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

Here’s the original post: Arthas ’08: Change You’ll Succumb To

Hilarious!

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: